How do you begin to communicate when your time together had gone from 24/7 to maybe 24 in one week? That 24 is spent playing with the child he’s missed, sex he’s missed, washing clothes, sex he’s missed, but not communicating . Even trying to talk of the day to day activities of our lives is interrupted by a spilled cup or too much ketchup on the plate. No adult conversations here . Grateful? Sure, I’m grateful for the paycheck and the ability to pay these bills that we both got ourselves into. Resentful, you bet your sweet ass I’m resentful! This isn’t the life I wanted . “Oh, quit whining”, you say, “people with cancer didn’t choose that “, you say. I get that , and that’s not what I mean. What I mean is in the beginning, before we even really dated I laid it on the line that I was not built to be a army wife, or any wife that had to go it alone a lot. So, here I am, 5 years after that conversation going it alone because he wouldn’t take my advice about what was happening at his job and got fired . Whew! That may be the first time I’ve said that out loud . Now, I know this door that opened is a much better opportunity and these are just growing pains , but ma do they hurt. I hate having to use the 24 hours every wrk for a discussion if adult things. Why can’t I just be glad to see him instead of vomiting all that has built up inside of me all week long? Communication, or not? I guess for now it seems not …the signs are all over. Just like the art center that got lived because we hadn’t talked abut it being where it is being much more conducive to our way of living during the week. Communication, or not?
Southern Belle on Caffeine 