Like for most people, the months just go by so fast. We blink and find ourselves two months shy of saying goodbye to another year. It finally occurred to me what month it actually was. November. It is a busy month for most people as it tends to kick of the “official ” holiday season. I myself have several friends with birthdays this month, Thanksgiving, and of course my birthday. But, I realized that November, the month, will become one of those moments that I will always remember. You know, the life changing moments that you can close your eyes and be transported right back to the event? That’s where November will be filed.
Fortunately I’m blessed in that I don’t have many of these moments. However, the ones I do have are pretty big. The first being the day my first husband came home and said he wanted to move out. I remember the smells. The spaghetti and garlic bread I had cooking in the kitchen. Bourbon and stale cigarettes on his leather jacket. I remember the feel of the couch and the breath leaving my body as he said the words. I remember my heart actually breaking and how that feels. Turns out that turning point in my life would be pivotal in preparing me for the next “remember forever” moment.
Financially things were turning around. My husband and I had just finished paying off our debt. I couldn’t get my husband on the phone. Unusual because we both checked in on our way home due to our commute and we both worked in prisons. Hours went by. I remember the penguin, who recently had turned 3, asking where daddy was. Then he came home. Told me what was happening. Told me that the organization he had devoted 10+ years too in corrections was turning on him. I remember the smell of his uniform. I remember calling my parents, calmly, and telling them I was bringing the penguin to them. I remember the air on my face from the golf cart as my mind races through the check list of what to handle and in what order. I did just that. Handled it. Systematically and stoic. I knew what the outcome would be, but I couldn’t think past moment to moment.
Unemployment led to CDL school which led to 3 more months of uncertainty. All the while the month of November was fresh in my mind. The events of November resulted in my husband finding the only job he could to once again dig our way out of debt. Debt we encurred while I was busy keeping it together by working and smiling. This job would lead to employment with a wonderful company, but it takes my husband away from his family.
My husband misses things. We miss things. Some days I’m over it, some days I’m not. I’m not whining or asking for sympathy. This is simply my story, my blog, I can say what I want. I’m emotional and fragile and only keeping it together with tape and glue for the penguin. Well, that and because that first pivotal moment prepared me for just about anything.
Last weekend I helped celebrate a friend’s birthday. I decided to ride a mechanical bull. It was thrilling and I’m glad I did it. I realized I’ve been riding a mean bull these past 2 years. One that I am not having as much fun on. I’m really tired and worn out from the ride that started in November. November. The month that will always be a memory month for me now.